I should not complain but I will. I'm tired of having bladder cancer. I'm tired of having Cystoscopes and catheters stuck up my wedding tackle. I'm tired of having the inside surface of my bladder scraped to remove malignant growths. I'm tired of having BCG treatments every week that leave me feeling like I have the flu.On the other hand I'm not tired of looking at the grass from the green side.
The hospital and clinic staff could not be kinder, especially considering the grumpy curmudgeon they have to deal with. Sadly, despite their best efforts I have had two recurrences since my initial diagnosis and treatment. Both of these recurrences are described as 'mild', as if that made me feel better. I never used to be driven by my emotions, or at least I tried not to be, but since cancer entered my life I have got more than a bit weepy at times. Fortunately I am married to a rock who supports me even in my most irritable moments. I love her as much as I always have and as much as I am capable, albeit less than she deserves perhaps.
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Presidential Election 2016 -- a dilema absent a logical decision
A whole bunch of millenials woke up on the morning of November 9th 2016 in a new reality for them. A similarly large bunch of middle Americans also woke up to a new reality for them. The first group became snowflakes and dedicated their lives to protesting the American election process that had previously produced Bill Clinton and Barak Obama. The second group sighed in relief for the American election system that didn't produce president HRC (Her Royal Clintoness). Instead we got Trump.
To call the election 'Hobson's Choice' is unfortunately incorrect since such a choice is between a unpleasant outcome or nothing; a bad horse or no horse at all. Hmmm!! Perhaps that's not such a bad description after all. However, more correctly it was a dilemma, a choice between two bad outcomes. I chose neither preferring instead to take the Hobson route and make no choice for president at all. The cowards way out? Perhaps, but I could not vote for Stalin in a pantsuit or for Mussolini with hair.
We now have Mussolini with hair as our president and half the nation in the process of rioting, burning buildings, blocking traffic, throwing rocks and petrol bombs at the police and generally behaving like members of the Democrat party who were thwarted. The other half of the country didn't riot when Obama was elected but are now behaving in a smug way as they expect a border wall to be built, taxes to be reduced, Congress to obey the laws of the rest of us, uncontrolled immigration to become controlled, the budget to be balanced, foreign jobs to be repatriated, and the military to be strengthened.
I suppose my greatest disappointment is how much these folks invest of themselves in their chosen politicians. It seems almost unAmerican to me to expect so much from government and so little of yourself. I don't think it was always that way, but I've not been here all that long.
To call the election 'Hobson's Choice' is unfortunately incorrect since such a choice is between a unpleasant outcome or nothing; a bad horse or no horse at all. Hmmm!! Perhaps that's not such a bad description after all. However, more correctly it was a dilemma, a choice between two bad outcomes. I chose neither preferring instead to take the Hobson route and make no choice for president at all. The cowards way out? Perhaps, but I could not vote for Stalin in a pantsuit or for Mussolini with hair.
We now have Mussolini with hair as our president and half the nation in the process of rioting, burning buildings, blocking traffic, throwing rocks and petrol bombs at the police and generally behaving like members of the Democrat party who were thwarted. The other half of the country didn't riot when Obama was elected but are now behaving in a smug way as they expect a border wall to be built, taxes to be reduced, Congress to obey the laws of the rest of us, uncontrolled immigration to become controlled, the budget to be balanced, foreign jobs to be repatriated, and the military to be strengthened.
I suppose my greatest disappointment is how much these folks invest of themselves in their chosen politicians. It seems almost unAmerican to me to expect so much from government and so little of yourself. I don't think it was always that way, but I've not been here all that long.
Monday, February 27, 2017
Bladder Cancer -- the unfashionable disease
Firstly a disclosure -- I have Bladder Cancer. I found out I had bladder cancer in a strange way; every few days I would have dark pee. It wasn't red pee, it didn't look like borsch, it was just a bit reddish brown. Since I'm an old white guy (or just an old guy), I ignored it. What I didn't ignore was when the bits started to come out. These bits looked like bits of hamburger. They were bits of my insides on the outside where they didn't belong. My wife MADE me go to the doctors. He asked what was going on. I explained about the hamburger and he referred me the urology department.
I couldn't get the main guy for a few weeks so I made an appointment with the physicians assistant who it turned out was a young lady. The following week I met with her. She was very impressive and very competent. She asked me what was going on and I told her my hamburger story. By this time I had looked on the internet so I was getting suspicious about the source of my hamburger. My PA scheduled a CT scan in 3 days and a Cytoscope with the main man the following week.
The CT scan is a modern X-ray where they pass you through a hula hoop and inject you with contrast agent. Some noxious chemical that makes the pictures pretty. A few days later I reported for my Cytoscope. I met the main man, the urologist who told me that the CT scan revealed an 8mm thick tumor on the inner wall of my bladder. The Cytoscope was only confirmatory since he pretty much knew that it was a malignant bladder cancer tumor. Oh, shit! The Cytoscope consists of poking a camera into the bladder to see what's going on. The un-fun part is how they get in in there. Suffice it to say that it hurts, not as much as riding a bicycle without a seat, but it hurts. It also feels really weird. At this point I have to acknowledge that the female of our species are a lot tougher and resilient than the males. Anyway, I got to visit with my tumor. It looked like red cauliflower.
A week later they went in again with the Cytoscope, this time with a hot wire loop to capture and remove the tumors. I was under anesthetic for this part of the story. Two weeks later they did it again, this time taking biopsies to be sure they got all of the bad hamburger. Two weeks later I started on a weekly course of BCG infusions into my bladder -- yes, using the same way in as before and equally appealing. For those unfamiliar with it BCG is tuberculosis vaccine. They fill your bladder with it and demand that you not pee for the next two hours. When you do pee you have to do it into a bucket of bleach to kill the live agent. It's kind of like chemotherapy except its bio-therapy.
A month after finishing up my six weeks of BCG treatments I had another Cytoscope. This revealed that all the tumor was gone but that I was growing calcium stones on the bladder wall where the tumor had been. These stones break up into smaller or larger bits that I have to pee out. The smaller bits are uncomfortable, the larger rocks are very exciting. Yeuch!
In the coming weeks I will be having another three BCG treatment sessions as part of a long term preventative regime to stop the cancer coming back. In the meantime I am now drinking a minimum of half a gallon (2 quarts or 2 liters) of water per day. I turns out that smoking is the primary cause of bladder cancer so in deference to all those who have been working hard to keep me alive, I finally gave up the evil weed.
In summary, if you catch bladder cancer early (within 6 months) while it is superficial and before it invades the bladder muscle wall, the treatment is manageable and quite successful. This is especially true if you get the kind of dedicated and capable medical team who treat me. Most important of all, quit smoking and start drinking lots of water. If you notice dark pee, get a urine test looking for blood as soon as possible.
I couldn't get the main guy for a few weeks so I made an appointment with the physicians assistant who it turned out was a young lady. The following week I met with her. She was very impressive and very competent. She asked me what was going on and I told her my hamburger story. By this time I had looked on the internet so I was getting suspicious about the source of my hamburger. My PA scheduled a CT scan in 3 days and a Cytoscope with the main man the following week.
The CT scan is a modern X-ray where they pass you through a hula hoop and inject you with contrast agent. Some noxious chemical that makes the pictures pretty. A few days later I reported for my Cytoscope. I met the main man, the urologist who told me that the CT scan revealed an 8mm thick tumor on the inner wall of my bladder. The Cytoscope was only confirmatory since he pretty much knew that it was a malignant bladder cancer tumor. Oh, shit! The Cytoscope consists of poking a camera into the bladder to see what's going on. The un-fun part is how they get in in there. Suffice it to say that it hurts, not as much as riding a bicycle without a seat, but it hurts. It also feels really weird. At this point I have to acknowledge that the female of our species are a lot tougher and resilient than the males. Anyway, I got to visit with my tumor. It looked like red cauliflower.
A week later they went in again with the Cytoscope, this time with a hot wire loop to capture and remove the tumors. I was under anesthetic for this part of the story. Two weeks later they did it again, this time taking biopsies to be sure they got all of the bad hamburger. Two weeks later I started on a weekly course of BCG infusions into my bladder -- yes, using the same way in as before and equally appealing. For those unfamiliar with it BCG is tuberculosis vaccine. They fill your bladder with it and demand that you not pee for the next two hours. When you do pee you have to do it into a bucket of bleach to kill the live agent. It's kind of like chemotherapy except its bio-therapy.
A month after finishing up my six weeks of BCG treatments I had another Cytoscope. This revealed that all the tumor was gone but that I was growing calcium stones on the bladder wall where the tumor had been. These stones break up into smaller or larger bits that I have to pee out. The smaller bits are uncomfortable, the larger rocks are very exciting. Yeuch!
In the coming weeks I will be having another three BCG treatment sessions as part of a long term preventative regime to stop the cancer coming back. In the meantime I am now drinking a minimum of half a gallon (2 quarts or 2 liters) of water per day. I turns out that smoking is the primary cause of bladder cancer so in deference to all those who have been working hard to keep me alive, I finally gave up the evil weed.
In summary, if you catch bladder cancer early (within 6 months) while it is superficial and before it invades the bladder muscle wall, the treatment is manageable and quite successful. This is especially true if you get the kind of dedicated and capable medical team who treat me. Most important of all, quit smoking and start drinking lots of water. If you notice dark pee, get a urine test looking for blood as soon as possible.
Sunday, June 26, 2016
BREXIT
BREXIT -- Britain's Exit from the European Union (EU)
So what does this all mean and why did it happen. While there will be dozens of pundit explanations in my opinion the vote for exit was the result of disillusionment. The idea of the EU was of sovereign nation states forming a mutually beneficial union to eliminate trade barriers and to collectively tackle political issues in a unified way. The result was a centralized political oligarchy and bureaucracy with little perceptible accountability to the citizens of Europe. The EU was an opportunity to unite Europe to the benefit of its citizens. The actuality was the centralization of power to the benefit of the bureaucrats and ruling elites. In their pursuit of wealth and power they screwed up the vision into their own and now they will have to deal with the consequences including the exit of the UK and the likely exit of other smaller European nations.
There is also a subtext to BREXIT and the possible exit of other nations. The EU is dominated by Germany and to a lesser extent by France. It is their vision for the EU that get implemented. By some peoples these are the nations are recognized as those who condemned Europe to spill a great deal of blood during the first half of the twentieth century and their ascendancy to power over Europe is not welcomed nor are they trusted not to repeat their past behaviors.
Americans who visit Europe as tourists are generally oblivious of the underlying tensions and hatreds that pertain there. Since there seems to be little black/white racism, Americans in general assume there is none. This is not the case and misses the ancient hatreds between peoples and also misses the significant tensions between religions. In American we are mistaken to view Europe as more civilized and cultured. After all, it's not that long ago that the most civilized and cultured of peoples within a few years were incinerating people by the millions without much guilt about it. Civilization and culture are a thin patina maintained in place by political honesty and individual freedom. We would be foolish to believe that we here are too civilized and cultured today to lose that civilization tomorrow. We must remain ever vigilant to keep our politicians honest. As a citizen it is our singular most important duty.
So what does this all mean and why did it happen. While there will be dozens of pundit explanations in my opinion the vote for exit was the result of disillusionment. The idea of the EU was of sovereign nation states forming a mutually beneficial union to eliminate trade barriers and to collectively tackle political issues in a unified way. The result was a centralized political oligarchy and bureaucracy with little perceptible accountability to the citizens of Europe. The EU was an opportunity to unite Europe to the benefit of its citizens. The actuality was the centralization of power to the benefit of the bureaucrats and ruling elites. In their pursuit of wealth and power they screwed up the vision into their own and now they will have to deal with the consequences including the exit of the UK and the likely exit of other smaller European nations.
There is also a subtext to BREXIT and the possible exit of other nations. The EU is dominated by Germany and to a lesser extent by France. It is their vision for the EU that get implemented. By some peoples these are the nations are recognized as those who condemned Europe to spill a great deal of blood during the first half of the twentieth century and their ascendancy to power over Europe is not welcomed nor are they trusted not to repeat their past behaviors.
Americans who visit Europe as tourists are generally oblivious of the underlying tensions and hatreds that pertain there. Since there seems to be little black/white racism, Americans in general assume there is none. This is not the case and misses the ancient hatreds between peoples and also misses the significant tensions between religions. In American we are mistaken to view Europe as more civilized and cultured. After all, it's not that long ago that the most civilized and cultured of peoples within a few years were incinerating people by the millions without much guilt about it. Civilization and culture are a thin patina maintained in place by political honesty and individual freedom. We would be foolish to believe that we here are too civilized and cultured today to lose that civilization tomorrow. We must remain ever vigilant to keep our politicians honest. As a citizen it is our singular most important duty.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
The Lost "War on Drugs" -- admit defeat and move on
The war on drugs has been lost. It's time to declare defeat and move on. One upon a time opium, heroin, cocaine, marijuana etc. were freely available. Their purchase and consumption was not illegal. When they were made illegal we started on a path away from a drug misuse problem to the crime problem we have today. Demand will create supply and it seems that the worldwide demand for illegal drugs is limitless. Additionally the demand for misused prescription drugs is rapidly outpacing the demand for illegal drugs. This could be described as a drug problem. What should not be described as a drug problem but more correctly described as a crime problem is the lawlessness, corruption, murder and mayhem associated with the production, importation, distribution and sale of illegal drugs. The volume of money changing hands is staggering. Worse, that money is used to corrupt law enforcement, judiciary and politicians high and low. Our society is corrupted to its core by the money flowing from the trade in illegal drugs and we must stop this rot before we too become a narco-economy.
If we legalize we shall not eliminate the drug problem. We will eliminate the crime problem and the societal corruption that flows from it. Legal production, distribution and sale will guarantee purity, offer a tax target, and decriminalize drug taking behavior. Decriminalization will allow drug abusers to seek treatment without fear.
Most importantly, we lost the War On Drugs a long time since. We cannot win, we can only pour money down a rat hole with no prospect of an end.
Just Do It!
If we legalize we shall not eliminate the drug problem. We will eliminate the crime problem and the societal corruption that flows from it. Legal production, distribution and sale will guarantee purity, offer a tax target, and decriminalize drug taking behavior. Decriminalization will allow drug abusers to seek treatment without fear.
Most importantly, we lost the War On Drugs a long time since. We cannot win, we can only pour money down a rat hole with no prospect of an end.
Just Do It!
Monday, May 5, 2014
Benghazi et al
On September 11th 2012 an American diplomatic mission in Benghazi was attacked and set on fire. Two Americans were killed including the American ambassador to Libya. Some hours later a CIA annex was also attacked killing two of the security team. Ten were injured in these attacks.
The Obama administration sent their spokespeople out to make the claim that these attacks were a spontaneous response to an anti-Islamic video, Innocence of Muslims. The creator of this video was subsequently arrested and sentenced to one year in prison for matters relating to the video.
The story promulgated by the Obama administration that placed the cause of the attacks on a video has been proven to be mistaken at best, a deliberate lie at worst. What is more intriguing is who decided to promulgate this cover story and what purpose were they seeking to achieve by it. After all, American diplomats were killed, American embassy personnel were killed, and Americans in the foreign service of their country were injured to a greater or lesser degree. The questions arise; who's butt was being covered, who came up with the cover story, who decided to promulgate it, and why did our press sup up and repeat this lie when it was obvious at the time that it was a lie? Another question occurs; where was President Obama when all this was going down? Given the opportunity to ask this question, I would also like to know where the president was on the night that Bin Laden was killed before he arrived late into the situation room wearing his golfing attire?
The GOP will try to hold Benghazi hearings while the DEMS will try to derail them. None of these dog and pony show theatrics will bring to justice those responsible for the Benghazi killings. Nor will they determine who it was who set out to deceive the American people about the causation of the attack. It will however fill our airwaves with more breathless reportage. Bread and circuses, bread and circuses.
The Obama administration sent their spokespeople out to make the claim that these attacks were a spontaneous response to an anti-Islamic video, Innocence of Muslims. The creator of this video was subsequently arrested and sentenced to one year in prison for matters relating to the video.
The story promulgated by the Obama administration that placed the cause of the attacks on a video has been proven to be mistaken at best, a deliberate lie at worst. What is more intriguing is who decided to promulgate this cover story and what purpose were they seeking to achieve by it. After all, American diplomats were killed, American embassy personnel were killed, and Americans in the foreign service of their country were injured to a greater or lesser degree. The questions arise; who's butt was being covered, who came up with the cover story, who decided to promulgate it, and why did our press sup up and repeat this lie when it was obvious at the time that it was a lie? Another question occurs; where was President Obama when all this was going down? Given the opportunity to ask this question, I would also like to know where the president was on the night that Bin Laden was killed before he arrived late into the situation room wearing his golfing attire?
The GOP will try to hold Benghazi hearings while the DEMS will try to derail them. None of these dog and pony show theatrics will bring to justice those responsible for the Benghazi killings. Nor will they determine who it was who set out to deceive the American people about the causation of the attack. It will however fill our airwaves with more breathless reportage. Bread and circuses, bread and circuses.
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Lunch at the White House, Dinner at Buck House?
It seems that the Northern Ireland peace is under threat because of the arrest of Gerry Adams on suspicion of the 1972 murder and burial of a mother of 10 by the Provisional Irish Republican Army (PROVO). During The Troubles as they are euphemistically called, Irish terrorists killed over 3000 people. Americans will recall that less than that number were killed in the Twin Towers. I'm awaiting the outcry in the USA about the Adams arrest but I do note that while Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness we treated to lunch at the White House by the Clinton administration, I don't recall Osama Bin Laden being dined at Buck House by the Queen.
Adams is being investigated, may be indicted and may subsequently be tried for murder. Osama got assassinated in a foreign country by US special forces. Before my fellow Americans get all bent out of shape, I would also like to note that the 3000+ murders associated with The Troubles were bought and paid for by US citizens, many of them prominent, and that they have never been held to account. I would also ask them to contemplate what they might think if the UK had sent the SAS or an armed drone to the USA to assassinate Adams or McGuinness absent due process, before, after or during their luncheon.
No wonder the rest of the world hates American arrogance in these matters.
Adams is being investigated, may be indicted and may subsequently be tried for murder. Osama got assassinated in a foreign country by US special forces. Before my fellow Americans get all bent out of shape, I would also like to note that the 3000+ murders associated with The Troubles were bought and paid for by US citizens, many of them prominent, and that they have never been held to account. I would also ask them to contemplate what they might think if the UK had sent the SAS or an armed drone to the USA to assassinate Adams or McGuinness absent due process, before, after or during their luncheon.
No wonder the rest of the world hates American arrogance in these matters.
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